To notice how ridiculous the fearmongering sounds about a marginalized group, it can help to flip the messages back onto the dominant group. If something sounds ridiculous when said of the dominant group, it’s probably also ridiculous when said of the marginalized group.
In the case of MAPs, this means flipping the messages back onto teleiophiles (people primarily attracted to adults in their prime). Most people are teleiophiles, since most people are primarily attracted to adults in their prime.
~*BEGIN SATIRE*~
Teleiophiles can’t be trusted around adults. They are predators and will strike at any chance they get!
Teleiophiles also can’t be trusted around computers. They’ll download adult porn any chance they get. Search a teleiophile’s hard drive and you’re sure to find it!
Any decent teleiophile would make every effort to stay away from adults. They can’t resist their urges.
If someone is attracted to adults, they shouldn’t tell anyone. Friends, family, and coworkers would rightfully be disgusted. A therapist can help them control their attraction.
Teleiophiles must recognize it’s not okay to be attracted to adults. It doesn’t matter whether they rape adults; the attraction itself is wrong. Thoughts are harmful. Therefore, “non-offending” teleiophiles are still offenders just by existing.
To prevent abuse of adults, we must understand how to treat those with attraction to adults. Treatment can include conversion therapy by chemical castration, since all teleiophiles have testicles. If any teleiophile is found not to have testicles, electroshock therapy is preferred.
We need to figure out what causes teleiophilia. It’s probably exposure to media that sexualizes adults. If we restrict such media and reduce people’s exposure, fewer people will catch teleiophilia.
When teleiophiles are alone in their own bedrooms, they touch themselves while thinking about adults. It’s disgusting!
In Oklahoma, notorious teleiophile Daniel Holtzclaw abused his authority as a policeman to commit teleiophilia. Bill Cosby is another serial teleiophile.
And it’s not just individual teleiophiles preying on adults. Some sex traffickers even operate teleiophile rings!
Elite teleiophiles, including Justices Clarence Thomas and Brett Kavanaugh, control the world.
I was sexually assaulted by a teleiophile. Therefore, I have a right to condemn all teleiophiles and claim teleiophilia caused my assault.
Teleiophiles emit invisible trauma rays that traumatize all adults within a one-kilometer radius.
Get help!
~*END SATIRE*~
That’s how ridiculous it sounds when people fearmonger about MAPs.
Mx. PDFphile 
This is just purely brilliant! Thanks for the simple but great and pure satire. And thanks for this good laugh. We need more fun to counter the evil that is so often wished upon us.
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